he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
