the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
