I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
