I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
