last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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