how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
