I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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