This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
