So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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