do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
