Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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