You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
