guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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