Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
