just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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