my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I love you. Go after that dick
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
