I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
