at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
