I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize