How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
