There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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