apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
