So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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