My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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