Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
