Cold hands, warm shart.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
