I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
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