you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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