Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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