Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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