You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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