omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
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i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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