Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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