Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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