I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
