Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
