While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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