my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
