Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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