the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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