dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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