Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
