Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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