Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
