If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
