Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
