Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize