I want to have your abortion
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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