We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
