I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
