Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
