he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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