There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
PANTIES FOUND
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