a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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