im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
