Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
