Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
