I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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