just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
