dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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