It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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