Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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