Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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