i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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