how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
